Dear Season, / Joani Nick's Mom
I wrote you a long letter, and then it wouldn't go thorugh. I will try and remember it! First of all, thank you for writing on my son's website, how sweet of you. I have 2 daughters probably about your age, and I know how good it makes them feel to have people visit the website.
First of all, what a beautiful website you made for your father! By reading it, I can tell how you loved him and how you're hurting. It's good for you to do this. I lost my dad a week before my 16th birthday. We had 6 kids at home, and my mother and father were a love story. I am so grateful to have had him as a father, even though he died young. He loved children, and I know he loved me alot. That's all that matters, really.
When you talked about planning a funeral and then about him not walking you down the aisle, - it breaks my heart. I am sorry for your pain. I know it's real. Grief is grief, and it puts us into a whole different world than everyone else. It is constant, and even when we think we're okay, it's always there. My dad died a week before my 16th birthday, and was not there to walk me down the aisle either. It's not right, it's unfair. But then, I will never even see my son get married either. That's SO unfair. You will probably find that you are jealous - not in a mean way, but jealous of those who still have their dads. I experienced that with my dad, and now with Nick's friends who are graduating from college and even getting married and having babies. You may have babies and wish your dad were there, but you know - he will be, and he will probably be the one who had something to do with it! :)
All I want to really say is, we are SO-OOOOO lucky to have had them in our lives!! Live your life being grateful for that GIFT you were given. Think about this website... what if you never loved him that much???? That's what I do with my Nick. What if I never even knew that beautiful soul? That beautiful face? That laugh, that personality, that beautiful love that I will forever have in my memory? What if I never knew the sound of his voice, and him calling me "hey, mom" - or "love ya!" How LUCKY we were to have had them in our lives, right? I miss my son dearly every single day of my life. Every lonely night of my life. But I can go on because I am thankful that I was given this blessing... even if "I" think it was too short. Be happy honey, your dad will be sad if you're not. He is with you, we just can't see him the same way. He's there for you though. I wish you lots of love and happiness in your life. Joani (Nick Dams' mom)
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